


The Waves Are Rough

by haikcute



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (He has Schizoaffective Disorder with Depression), Abuse, Abusive Parents, Bad Home Environment, Bisexual Kageyama, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Child Abuse, Crying, Cutting, Demiromantic Kageyama, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Depressing, Depression, Feelings, Gay, Gay Male Character, Homophobia, Homosexual Hinata, Homosexuality, Kags isn't exposed to much and doesn't realize that liking boys isn't normal, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Slightly Schizophrenic Hinata, Triggers, Verbal Abuse, abused kageyama, depressed hinata, its not full on schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 12:46:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7172114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikcute/pseuds/haikcute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama Tobio a 16 year old boy, lives in an abusive household and uses volleyball as an escape. Hinata Shouyou who just turned 17 suffers from depression but finds happiness in volleyball. These two boys cross paths and see volleyball as their salvation, but when volleyball fails to save them, can they save each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Waves Are Rough

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER:
> 
> This story will have some graphic and possibly triggering things. Read at your own risk.

Kageyama’s POV

 

“You are such a slob!” he hears his mother’s voice yell as he walks down the stairs. He just wanted to get out of that god awful house as soon as possible. “TOBIO! Where do you think you are going?” His mother’s voice screeched as he turned the knob on the door. 

“School.” He deadpanned and walked out of the house wincing when he could still hear his mother’s yells for him outside. He started running towards the train station and hoped he didn't miss the first train. He had really wanted to get in some extra setting practice this morning. 

As he arrived at the station, he leaned against a post, slightly out of breath from his run. Sighing, he ran his hands through his silky black hair, in an attempt to make it look a little less like he had just woken up. 

His thoughts strayed to volleyball, which was the only thing in his life that his mother couldn’t ruin. When someone received the ball and he got to set it was as if everything else melted away. When the ball was in the air and he positioned himself under it, his mother wasn't telling him he was a bad son, when the ball touched the pads of his fingers and he prepared to launch it to a spiker, his bad home environment seemed so far away. When he extended his arms and released the ball, he didn’t worry about the future or the past, he was in the moment. When the spiker hit his toss and scored a point, Kageyama felt needed for once in his life, and he wasn't about to let that feeling go. 

-time skip-

Kageyama pulled up the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He felt energized and he was itching to toss more.

“Kageyama!” an excited voice said from behind him. He turned to find the source and looked down to see a small orange haired boy. He rolled his eyes and gave the smaller boy a condescending look as he put a hand on his hip and held a volleyball in his other hand. “Toss to me Kageyama!” the orange haired boy said in a bubbly tone.

Kageyama envied him. He was so care free. _“He’s probably living some perfect life, it’s no wonder he smiles all the time,”_ Kageyama thought to himself. He huffed a little before speaking to the smaller boy in a patronizing manner, “Dumbass Hinata, why would I toss to you?” He felt kinda bad taking out his anger on the boy, but he couldn’t help it. That boy was always smiling and Kageyama hated it. He hated that someone else got to be happy when he couldn’t. Kageyama who was too far into his thoughts, missed the flash of pain that swept the smaller boys features. It was quickly replaced with an indignant pout as the smaller boy puffed up his chest and went on a little rant about how he was gonna be Karasuno’s ace. Kageyama who eventually just wanted him to shut up proceeded to toss to Hinata. 

After the whole team got together and played a few sets they all went to the locker rooms to change. Kageyama busied himself with organizing his locker until most everyone had filed out of the locker rooms to head to class. He pulled his uniform from his bag and laid it out across a bench. He quickly peeled of his shirt and and tried not to look in the mirror in front of him. His eyes however did not obey his and he glanced at himself in the mirror. The first thing he saw was the large dark bruise across his ribcage where his mother had hid him with a cooking pot a couple nights before. His eyes proceeded to take in his appearance resting on the finger like bruises on his bicep. He silently thanked whatever deity was watching over him that those bruises were not visible in his practice jersey or uniform. Next, his eyes raked over his face. He noticed the dark under eye circles and the permanent frown that was etched into his skin. He shook his head to rid himself of his negative thoughts and proceeded to put on his uniform. 

When he had changed he quickly went out of the locker room to head to class. He didn’t even notice the orange haired boy who had been watching him.

-time skip-

“Tadaima,” Kageyama mumbled as he walked through his front door. he toed off his shoes and put on a pair of house slippers. He didn’t hear his mother storming through the house so he tiptoed into the living area and noticed her sleeping with a bottle of beer in hand. He sighed in relief and proceeded to walk up to his room to start his homework. 

After he completed what he could (he left most of his English vocabulary blank) he laid down on his full sized bed and slightly tossed the ball over and over again. He looked around at the various trophies he had accumulated over the years. He felt a small bit of pride. He knew his mother couldn’t take away volleyball. He was good at volleyball. His mother couldn’t convince him that he wasn’t. He soon felt sleep creeping up on him so he set the ball aside and curled up to sleep, feeling hopeful that he would have a better day tomorrow.

—————

Hinata’s POV

 

When after school practice was over Hinata sightly sulked not wanting to stop. He heard a few other players mumbling something about his stamina when he suggested they play some more. Daichi, the captain of the Karasuno High School Volleyball Club, came over to him and smiled. “We will pick up where we left off in the morning,” he said with a slight chuckle, “Some of us actually have to rest, y’know?” He laughed again and Hinata relented although he could’ve gone for a few more rounds. 

When he went into the locker room to change he noticed Kageyama busying himself with something in his locker, looking very reluctant to leave. Hinata thought back to this morning when he saw the bruises all across Kageyama’s chest and arms. He had wanted to ask him about it so bad, but he knew that Kageyama was not one to talk about his emotions or personal life to others. He didn't want to ask, get rejected and then have the taller boy completely resign from human interaction other than volleyball. He pondered telling Daichi or Sugawara but he knew that Kageyama would be pissed if he found out that Hinata had told someone. For the time being he just kept the information to himself but he kept an eye out for Kageyma nonetheless. 

Hinata changed and headed outside to the bike rack. His house was a thirty minute hilly ride from the school and he was internally thankful that he didn’t spend all of his energy in practice. He had only just started the long ride home when the thoughts started bombarding him. 

He was used to it, but it didn’t make them hurt any less.

_You're worthless._

_Kageyama didn’t want to toss to you because you’re no good._

_Ugly, horrible, stupid._

_You’re disgusting. Who would ever love you?_

_You like boys and thats unnatural._

He was on the verge of tears when he pulled in front of his house. He walked through the front door and forced a smile on his face as he spoke, “Tadaima.”

“NIISAN!” his smile morphed into a genuine one as Natsu ran up to him he held out his arms to her and she willingly jumped into them. He spun her around a few times before setting her down and heading to his room. 

“Play with me niisan!” Natsu pleaded with big chocolate eyes.

“I have homework Natsu, gomen” he said with a frown and a pat to Natsu’s head.

He turned and walked into his room. He closed the door and collapsed sliding down the wall. he put his head in his hands and let the tears flow.

Hinata wiped his face harshly after a few minutes and went to retrieve his homework from his book bag. He stared at the work for a while, finishing the few problems he actually understood. He eventually became discouraged and stuffed all his work back in his bag vowing to ask Tsukishima how to do it in the morning. 

Hinata, with hands shaking, went into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub. He stood and reached behind the toilet hands fumbling around until he felt it. He carefully peeled it away from where it was taped to the back of the toilet and stared at it with watery eyes. In his hands was a razor blade he had taken from one of his mom’s unused razors. He stood up and set the blade on the bathroom counter. He slipped out of his sweatpants and sat on the toilet seat this time. He looked at his thighs and noticed that his previous cuts were almost fully healed. Hinata was suddenly disgusted with himself as he saw how the scars blemished his pale skin. He felt a tear escape and he hastily wiped at it.

He reached over to the counter and picked up the blade again. With shaky hands he took the edge and brought it towards his thigh. He inhaled and pushed down hard enough to break the skin. Hinata winced from the pain but was relieved. _“I can feel something,”_ he thought to himself as he dragged the blade horizontally across the plane of his thigh. 

As Hinata let out a shaky breath, the tears began to flow. Hinata, too invested in continuing to slice his thigh, didn't bother to wipe them. The tears, falling freely from his face, mixed in with the blood that was running down his thigh. Then the voice came back.

_Cutting yourself so you can feel something? How pathetic._

_It’s no wonder you dont have any friends._

_I bet if your precious volleyball team knew about this, they’d make fun of you._

_They would call you stupid, and ugly, and disgusting._

_They would tell you that you’re doing it for attention._

_And then what if they found out your dark secret? That you’re gay._

_They would hate you._

_Kageyama would never toss to you anymore._

“Kageyama,” Hinata choked out a sob. Then suddenly the voice in his head wasn’t his own anymore, but rather the tall setter’s.

 _“Dumbass,”_ Kageyama’s voice rang in his head. _“You’re repulsive, and untalented. As if you could ever become Karasuno’s ace. All you will ever be is Karasuno’s worst player.”_

Hinata dug the blade in his thigh harder than ever before and relished in the pain it sent through his body. He gently placed the blade on the counter and looked down at his right thigh. The blood was pouring slowly out, more than Hinata would’ve liked. He realized that it was going to be hard to play volleyball tomorrow with the deep gouge he had made in his thigh. Cursing, he began to clean up, careful to remove blood from anywhere he touched. He bandaged his thigh after cleaning the wounds a little and put some athletic tape around it to keep the bandages from falling off. He re-taped the blade to the back of his toilet before brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed. 

Hinata was standing in front of his mirror after changing into sleep wear and he looked at his reflection. His eyes were a little bloodshot from all the crying, and his skin a little paler than usual. _“Probably from all the blood loss,”_ he thought to himself. He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. He turned off all the lights and laid down willing himself to fall asleep and not have his dreams haunt him with awful words and cruel insults. More often than not Hinata would wake to find himself crying at 2 am. He could clearly remember the haunting images that infiltrated his dreams. 

 

_He was standing in the middle of the court at nationals. His whole team there, and they were losing at the other team’s match point. They just needed to make this point for a deuce and get it back after that. Yamaguchi sent the ball flying over the net with a perfect floating serve. They just barely received it and it was sent flying back over to Karasuno’s side of the net. Nishinoya dived for the ball and sent it to a waiting Kageyama. Kageyama set it perfectly in Hinata’s direction as the smaller boy leapt into the air to hit the ball and score the tying point. He brought his hand back, searched for the perfect place on the court to send it pummeling, and swung._

_The ball wasn’t there._

_He had missed._

_He slowly came back down to the ground from his jump and looked down at his hands wondering what had gone wrong. He felt his teammates eyes on him. He turned around expecting to hear a “Don’t mind” from Daichi, or a small smile from Suga, but all he saw were glares. His teammates suddenly surrounded him and towered over him with awful expressions._

_“Stupid.”_

_“How could you?”_

_“Our last chance.”_

_“You’re useless.”_

_“Dumbass…”_

Hinata woke with a start. He sighed as he wiped the tears from his face and glanced at the clock. 2:42AM. He laid back down hoping to get in a few more hours of sleep before school. The condescending voice echoed in his head as he willed himself to go back to sleep. That nickname that the tall boy had given him haunted him so much.

 _“Dumbass, Hinata.”_ Kageyama’s voice was the last thing Hinata heard before drifting back off into a restless slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:
> 
> Hey! So this is a new fic I started working on, and its gonna be super sAD. (:
> 
> My heart was breaking just writing the first chapter. If you happened to enjoy this, please feel free to leave a comment or possibly kudos? Thanks, and I will see you in the next chapter! Byyeeee (:


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